Lancashire Dialect
By Jeff Unsworth
Posh Visiters
​
"Were goo'int av cump'ny today
Neaw a wa'ant yo do what yo towd
I don't wa'ant yo manki'in abeawt
Burr I wa'ant yo be as good as gowd".
Aunty Winney it wuz uz wuz com'in
The one whose eye all'us flickers
Everyone thowt her wuz posh
I reckon it's fur coat, un no nickers
Neaw,we ad'nt much jackbit in't pantry
So mi mam made a plate praytuh pie
"Ickle be awreet", her said, "wi some carrots"
"That er'd be grand" answered I.
"For afters we'll have jelly un custer't"
Her said wi her best'ist posh voice
"Un av made a nice sing'in lily
So that Winney has gett'n a choice".
I said, "Mam it's like hav'in a party"
Un it did look a reet gradely pie
"Aah, well that’s goo'int cause us a problem"
Her had this sly look in her eye
"There wain't be enough pie for aw of us,
Cause that’s aw jackbit win gett'n.
So Jeffrey, when I ask if tha wa,ants some
Say no'w tha nor hungry, tha's ett'n".
Anyroad.. Visitors sat deawn for dinner.
Un then the pie was fotched eawt
I wuz aggrovated dee'uth
Cos I knew I wuz goo'int go beawt.
"Would you like some pie, our Jeffrey,
You know it's your favorite" she said.
"No Mam I'm not feeling hungry"
When really, I could have ett'n a flock bed.
I sat theer while everyone ett'n
Think'in of nowt but the sweet
A greyt bowl of jelly un custert
That surely would make things awreet.
" Con I have some Jelly un custert , Mam"
I asked with a glint in mi eye.
"No…you can't" was the answer.
"You would'nt eat any of the pie"
Posh Visitors
​
Were going to have company today
Now I want you to do what your told
I don't want you messing about
But I want you be good as gold".
Aunty Winney it was that was coming
The one whose eye always flickers
Everyone thought she was posh
I reckon it's fur coat, and no knickers
Now,we had'nt much food in the pantry
So my Mam made a plate potato pie
"It'll be alright", she said, "with some carrots"
"That will be grand" answered I.
"For afters we'll have jelly and custard"
She said with her finest posh voice
"And Ive made a nice singing lily
So that Winney has got a good choice".
I said, "Mam it's like having a party"
And it did look a right good pie
"Aah, well that’s going to cause us a problem"
She had this sly look in her eye
"There won't be enough pie for all of us,
Cause that’s all food that weve got.( gett'n )
So Jeffrey, when I ask if you want some
Say no your not hungry, you've eaten".( ett'n )
Anyway.. the visitors sat down for their dinner.
And then the pie was brought out
I was aggravated to death
For I knew I was going to go without.
"Would you like some pie, our Jeffrey,
You know it's your favorite" she said.
"No Mam I'm not feeling hungry"
When really, I could have eaten a flock bed.
I sat there while everyone ate
Thinking of nothing but the sweet
A big bowl of jelly and custard
That surely would make things alright.( awreet )
" Can I have some Jelly and custard, Mam"
I asked with a glint in my eye.
"No…you can't" was the answer.
"You would'nt eat any of the pie"