Lancashire Dialect
By Jeff Unsworth
Canine Wishes
Kids ar maahther'in for a dog tha knows.
Ax'in every day
Their plagu'in mi't dee'uth abeawt it.
Aahm goo'int at gee um their way.
Aahm not keen on gerr'in one misell.
Tha see's……. aaahv had one afoo'er.
Chew'in aw through't furniture.
Un pee'in aw or't floo'er.
Ikkle be a novelty for a couple er wik.
They'll bi walk'in it abeawt.
Then soon they'll aw bi sick of it.
Ikkle me us'll at takk it eawt.
Dogs are not forr eawses…. Aah don't think.
Slavver'in aw ore't floo'er.
Dragg'in it's backside alung best rug.
Un scratch'in aw't back doo'er.
Sniff'in other dogs backsides.
Then lick'in thi on't face.
Runn'in in when it's pour'in deawn .
Un stink'in eawt front place.
Un then it's cost er feed'in it.
Un wi'st at bey it a baw.
Aah mean…them two dogs on't mantlepiece
Don't cost nowt at aw.
As't at get Charlie Hines fot dock it's tail.
Then mek sure it dunt get fits.
Un then theres things laahk worm'in it.
Un then aw't thuther bits.
Aahm beawnt at put mi foo't deawn.
Un then that will be that.
Un if thi keep on skraahk'in.
Aah'l think abeawt a cat.
Canine Wishes
The children are constantly asking for a dog you know.
Asking every day
They are plaguing me to death about it.
I shall have to give them their way.
I'm not keen on getting one myself.
You see……. I've had one before.
Chewing all the furniture.
And peeing on the floor.
It will be a novelty for a couple of weeks.
They'll be walking it about.
Then soon they'll all be sick of it.
It will be me that will have to take it out.
Dogs are not for houses…. I don't think.
Slavering all over the floor.
Dragging its backside along the rug.
And scratching on the door.
Sniffing other dogs backsides.
Then licking you on the face.
Running in when it's pouring down.
And stinking out the front place.
And then there's the cost of feeding it.
And it will have to have a ball.
I mean…them two dogs on the mantle piece
They cost nothing at all.
I will have to get Charlie Hines to dock it's tail.
Then make sure it does'nt get fits.
And then there's things like worming it.
And then all the other bits.
I will have to put my foot down.
And then that will be that.
And if they keep on crying.
I'll think about a cat.