Lancashire Dialect
By Jeff Unsworth
To keep true to the Dialect, it is necessary to use certain words. Please excuse any expletives.
Blast from the Past
Whilst maw'in abeawt in't back yard.
Me un ar kid wuz digg'in up seyl wi a stick.
When wi font this owd rusty hand grenade.
It were nesslin under this brick.
"What we goo'int do wi it?",ar kid said.
Cos wid neyer seen one like it befoo'er.
Neaw wi at fot be quiet at this point.
Cos grandad wuz oppnin back doo'er.
Neaw grandad wuz owd'in his papper.
He passed us, un geey us a smile.
We knew he wuz goo'int ter't petty.
So we knew he'd bi theer for a while.
Wi waited till he geet settl't deawn.
Thrutch'in un trump'in, he wuz.
Norm'ly tha'd keep weel away.
Stink'in the way thad he does.
It's a rusty owd thing, this hand grenade.
As we examined this thing that wi'd feawnt.
Just then our kid poo'ed this pin eawt.
Then clod it…. un started fot ceawnt.
It rolled deawn ter't bottom er't yard.
Ar kid, he went whaah't as a ghost.
It eended up a midges frum lavvy.
Weer grandad sat read'in his post.
Our kid.. he start'id a skraahk'in.
He'd av gett'n it back if he could.
But then nowt app'nt for a minute.
It wuz then that wi thowt it a dud.
WHEN
This thing, it went off wi an almighty bang.
Cleawds of muck, dust and smook… what a state.
Wi both were frick'nt un startid fot run.
Until we saw grandad hang'in ore't gate.
Lowf'in his yed off, ar grandad wuz.
Un then through his laughter, he said.
"Aah wonder what thi gran would have thowt.
If ad let one like that go in bed"
Blast from the Past
Whilst mauling about in the yard.
Me and our kid was digging up soil with a stick.
When we found this rusty old hand grenade.
It was nestling under a brick.
"What shall we do with it"…our kid said.
We'd never seen one like it before.
We had to be quiet at this point.
For Grandad was opening the back door.
Now.. Grandad was carrying his paper.
He passed us, and gave us a smile.
We knew he was visiting the toilet.
So we knew he'd be there for a while.
We waited till he settled down.
Pushing and truping, he was.
Normally, one would keep well away.
Stinking the way that he does.
It 's a rusty old bugger, this hand grenade.
As we examined this thing that we'd found. ( feawnt )
Just then our kid pulled this pin out.
Then threw it and started to count. ( Ceawnt )
It rolled to the bottom of the yard.
Our kid he went white as a ghost.
It landed right near the toilet.
Where grandad was reading the post. ( Local newspaper )
Our kid, he started to cry.
He'd have got the thing back if he could.
But nothing else happened for a moment.
It was then that we thought it a dud.
WHEN
This thing, it went off with an almighty bang.
Clouds of muck, dust and smoke….. What a state.
We both were frightened and started to run.
And then we saw grandad, hanging over the gate.
Laughing his head off, our grandad was.
And then through the laughter, he said.
" I wonder what your gran would have thought.
If I'd have let one like that go in bed".