Marriage, Divorce and Oath’s.
Matthew 5: 31 -37 – Matthew 19: 3 – Mark 10: 2-9
31 "Furthermore it has been said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.'
32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.
33 "Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform your oaths to the Lord.'
34 But I say to you, do not swear at all: neither by heaven, for it is God's throne;
35 nor by the earth, for it is His footstool; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King.
36 Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black.
37 But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.
Whatever happened to the marriage vow, “Until death do us part”?
Whatever happened to the statement of God, “What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder”?
In our society and societies around the world, these for most people have become empty words.
Is marriage still relevant in today’s societies?
Do people really fall in love? Is it possible to fall in love? Is there such a thing as love at first sight?
How can one love someone they do not know?
All these are questions and topics, often posed in conversation.
I think in my heart, I have always believed that no one falls in love. Love between a man and a woman is something that grows over time, something that develops by sharing time together, through common experiences and physical contact.
A relationship begins with either an arrangement in some cultures or an attraction in others.
I remember meeting my wife in a dance hall. I spotted her and was immediately attracted to her. That attraction soon developed into a relationship and over time blossomed into love.
How could I love her right from the beginning? I knew nothing about her. However a seed was planted and eventually love grew.
Continuing on in the study of the Sermon on the Mount, where Jesus reveals the standard of righteousness for His kingdom and for children of the kingdom, we will now look at this standard regarding two specific areas:
1. Divorce in marriage.
We will look at what the Bible teaches about the subject of divorce.
2. Making vows/Keeping your word.
We will look at whether or not it is OK for us to swear an oath about something
We will also look at the importance of being people and witnesses for Christ who keep our word
There are many reasons why Divorce happens today.
Some examples:
Infidelity, Money, Lack of communication, Lack of Consummation, Constant arguing, Unrealistic expectations, Lack of intimacy, Lack of equality, Not being prepared for marriage, Abuse, Addictions, A difference in parenting styles, Losing your identity , Irreconcilable differences, Long-distance relationships, Control struggles in relationships, Interference of parents in married life, Jealousy and insecurity, and Abandonment.
There may be many other reasons not mentioned in this list.
According to recent divorce statistics, 42% of marriages in England and Wales end in divorce. 102,007 couples divorced in 2017 (the most recent year for which official statistics are currently available). Of these divorcing couples, 101,669 were opposite-sex couples and 338 were same-sex couples.
These figures would very likely be far higher but for the fact that more and more couples are opting for just living together rather than getting married, so if these common law relationships break down, they are not entered into divorce figures.
However, in Christian marriages, how many of the reasons listed above are valid biblical reasons for divorce?
At the time of Jesus there were two different views on divorce.
There were two schools of thought.
The House of Hillel (Beit Hillel) and House of Shammai (Beit Shammai) were, among Jewish scholars, two schools of thought during the period of the last century BC and the early 1st century AD, named after the sages Hillel and Shammai who founded them.
These two schools had vigorous debates on matters of ritual practice, ethics, and theology which were critical for the shaping of the Oral Law and Judaism as it is today.
Concerning Divorce:
Beit Shammai held that a man may only divorce his wife for a serious transgression, but Beit Hillel allowed divorce for even trivial offences, such as burning a meal.
Both were based on the law of Moses in Deut 24:1, but it was the interpretation of the law that raised issues.
Deut 24:1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
There were those that interpreted this statement “because he hath found some uncleanness in her”: to mean that the woman had committed fornication.
However there were others that interpreted this statement to mean that anything that the husband did not like about his wife, was enough reason to divorce her.
This interpretation was all in the man’s favour and meant that he could issue a bill of divorce for almost anything that he considered wrong.
This is what Jesus was addressing in this our text.
The Pharisees generally opted for Hillel’s interpretation and they wanted to know where Jesus stood, did He agree with laxity or rigorism.
Again, it was a ploy to catch Jesus out on breaking the law and to belittle His teachings, as is clear in Matt 19:3.
Matt 19:3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?”
Jesus did what we all should do, He didn’t just give them His own personal opinion, He answered with a question of His own and pointed them to scripture.
Mat 19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, , that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
Mat 19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
Mat 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
He directed them to Genesis 1, where it tells us how God made man and woman, Male and female and to Genesis 2 where God speaks about marriage.
What Jesus is pointing out to the Pharisees that marriage is exclusive to one man and one woman and that it is intended to be permanent.
Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
We also have the account of the same question in Mark 10.
Where Jesus points them to the law of Moses.
Mar 10:2 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.
Mar 10:3 And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?
Mar 10:4 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.
Mar 10:5 And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
Mar 10:6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
Mar 10:7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
Mar 10:8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
Mar 10:9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
So, going back to our list of reasons for divorce and sticking strictly to scripture, which are valid reasons for a certificate of divorce?
I would say that from that list there are three.
1. Sexual infidelity.
2. Non Consummation. (for which a marriage can be annulled).
3. Abandonment but only where an unbelieving partner abandons a believer.
Sexual Infidelity:
Deu 24:1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her:
Matthew 5: 32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality.
Non Consummation:
Mar 10:8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
Of course until the marriage is consummated the couple remain two.
Abandonment:
1Co 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
These are the only concessions made by God for divorce.
God’s original intention was for marriage between men and women was that it was permanent and between a man and a woman.
Does the Bible teaches that the offended party is free to re marry?
There seems to be two views on this.
One view is that if someone is divorced whether the guilty party or the innocent party, if they remarry they commit adultery.
The other view is that the innocent party is allowed to re marry.
When the Bible permits divorce, it is so that the wronged or abandoned party may remarry. That’s what a certificate of divorce is.
Therefore, in any case where a divorce is biblically permissible, it is by definition also permissible for the wronged or abandoned party to remarry.
In Matthew 5:31-32 Jesus says:
Mat 5:31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
Mat 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
Here Jesus is simply saying that if a divorce is not legitimate, then the remarriage is not legitimate. If the divorce is legitimate (he uses the word pornea), then the remarriage is legitimate.
Porneia is a Greek word that essentially means “illicit sexual activity.”
It is a general, inclusive word for any kind of sexual immorality.
llicit sexual intercourse, adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc.
Sexual intercourse with close relatives; Lev. 18
Sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman; Mk. 10:11-12
Similarly the Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7 that if the unbelieving spouse does not want to stay in the marriage and does not want to live with an active and obvious Christian, then the believer should let them go. In such cases the believer is not bound – that is to say they are free to remarry.
1 Corinthians 7 makes that point clearly: Not bound here refers to freedom to remarry.
Instone-Brewer explains:
“The only freedom that makes any sense in this context is the freedom to remarry … [A]ll Jewish divorce certificates and most Greco-Roman ones contained the words ‘you are free to marry any man you wish,’ or something very similar.
If the individual believer had Biblical grounds for divorce, then he or she is permitted to remarry – but only in the Lord.
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Swearing falsely and keeping Oath’s.
33 "Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform your oaths to the Lord.'
34 But I say to you, do not swear at all: neither by heaven, for it is God's throne;
35 nor by the earth, for it is His footstool; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King.
36 Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black.
37 But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.
This first statement of Jesus is not taken from any particular scripture but the sense of these words can be found in other texts.
Leviticus 19:12 “You shall not swear falsely by My name, so as to profane the name of your God; I am the LORD.”
Numbers 30:2 "If a man makes a vow to the LORD, or takes an oath to bind himself with a binding obligation, he shall not violate his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.”
Deuteronomy 23:21 "When you make a vow to the LORD your God, you shall not delay to pay it, for it would be sin in you, and the LORD your God will surely require it of you.”
All these verses refer to making a vow in the name of the Lord, if you do this you should keep your word.
It would be better if we refrain from swearing or making an oath and let our yes be yes and our no be no.
James 5:12 “But above all, my brethren, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath; but your yes is to be yes, and your no, no, so that you may not fall under judgement.”
Honest people do not need to resort to making oaths.
A Christian should never need to precede his word with “Honestly” or “I am being honest”.
There is no need to say “I swear on my mother’s life” or “all that I hold dear”.
Truthfulness should come from the heart, we should always tell the truth.
Proverbs 6:16-19 “There are six things which the LORD hates, Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him: Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, And hands that shed innocent blood, A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that run rapidly to evil, A false witness who utters lies, And one who spreads strife among brothers.”
Proverbs 12:22 “Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, But those who deal faithfully are His delight.”
Colossians 3:9 “Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices,”
Jesus is getting to the heart of the matter, the truth is that we do not need to make impressive oaths to show how truthful we are.
Jesus is against hypocrisy in all its forms, and he's for straightforwardness and transparency and honesty and responsibility in all its forms.
If we are honest people, we will speak the truth without an oath.
